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Choosing your matron or maid of honour

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 at 4:52 pm and is filed under The Bridal Party.

The Matron of Honour and Maid of Honour are basically the same thing, the only difference being the Matron of Honour is usually married and the Maid of Honour is not.

Regardless, this role is vital and involved in virtually every step of the weddng preparation from the very start. It is a very special role and involves many responsibilities including “being there” as your support. This role is as important to you as your future husbands Best Man is to him.

Think before you speak.

Don’t jump the gun and ask your best friend to be your Matron/Maid of Honour (known from now on as the MOH!) straight off. Think first. Is she currently spending twelve months trekking in the Himalayas and is uncontactable for months on end? Is she due to have a baby a month or two before your chosen wedding date? Will work commitments make it hard for her to dedicate the time needed to you when you need her the most.

You have to be practical in your choice. This position can be a big job and may require many hours of work. She needs to be able to put those hours in.

What does the Matron or Maid of Honour have to do

Before the big day she will need to:

• Be there for you at times of stress or worry
• Help with the choice of wedding dress and attend all fittings.
• Coordinate the other bridesmaids and make sure that they are aware of their own personal duties.
• Organise and attend the various pre-wedding parties including, the Bridal Shower/ Kitchen Tea and of course the Hen’s Night.
• She will also take care of you at any of these celebrations, and possibly protect you from yourself!
• Help you with your decision making process on all aspects of the wedding from, venues to invitations.
• She will help you to address, collate and post invitations.
• Pick up the wedding flowers
• Help with the choice of Bridesmaids dresses and collect any money owed to you for them.
• Your MOH will do most of the last minute running around for you, collecting, distributing and finalising anything that needs collecting, distributing or finalising!
• Attend the wedding rehearsal
• Keep the other bridesmaids on track

On the day of the wedding day she will:

• Keep you on schedule
• Protect you from any distractions
• Help you to dress and get in and out of vehicles
• Arrange your train and veil
• Hold your bouquet during the ceremony
• Be responsible for the Grooms ring during the ceremony
• Witness the signing of the marriage license
• She may like to make a speach!

During the Wedding Ceremony she will:

• Arrange your train and veil
• Hold your bouquet during the ceremony
• Be responsible for the Grooms ring during the ceremony
• Witness the signing of the marriage license

At the wedding reception

• She should take care of your bouquet and store it or display it somewhere safe.
• As your valued offsider, your MOH should mingle with the guests and be available for any questions that the guests may have and generally make sure that everything is running according to your expectations.
• She may like to make a speach
• She will dance with the Best Man – joining you and your new husband half way through the first dance of the night.
• If you are changing out of your wedding dress at any stage and into civvies, she should be the one to take care of your dress, shoes etc, bouquet etc and make sure that they are returned to your home.
• Your MOH should be responsible for any younger members of the bridal party like flower girls or pageboys in the absence of their parents..

The day or week after the wedding

• As the chances are you will probably be off on your honeymoon, your MOH will take over the responsibility of returning any hired goods.

You can see from this that your MOH needs to be a rock that you can rely on at all times which is why the person you choose is so important. Make sure, when you ask them, that they are fully aware of your expectations and, if they feel that they can’t take on those responsibilites for whatever reason don’t hold it against them. They can still be in your bridal party but with fewer responsibilities. Good luck finding the right person for the job.